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Hell Revisited

How can someone be tortured twice going through this god awful nauseousness (spelling?) for days on end twice? I would accept it if I was pregnant as you know there is an end date.  But to know there is no end date sucks. Sure there is the few days I wake up  feeling rather ok during the dryest hottest days in the Waikato (few and far between).  I know there are anti metics available but popping tablets but it sure does get boring and you know it, there is a refreshing Lemon & Ginger herbal tea that’s more satisfying.  (brewing as I type and smelling divine)  My kidneys are slowly healing themselves but is coming up 5 years of this unreachable goal since 2007 of being blasted with cisplatin (chemo) of getting them back to normal.  I do enjoy challenges, but golly gumdrops I so hope I tick this off my list by the end of this year 🙂

Getting out of bed each morning is something I usually contemplate for a good half hour. Lying there slowly moving my limbs doing a self analysis and an evaluation of pain out of 10 hoping against the odds of scoring a 5.  This is achieved most days. However,,,, this changes at a screaming rate of knots to a 8 or 9 as soon as I leap out of bed.  lol I crack myself up as leaping out of bed is a laugh :))  I just have to have some humor in my world of pain.  As soon as my feet hit the floor the blood rushes down to my toes at warp speed… with something 600,000 cells of blood hitting the ankle head on screaming “oooooh my god……. we’re all not gona get through this 90 degree bend to the toes!!! we can’t see for the fog!!!” (Imagine,,,  all the cars of the Indy 500 going 200 miles an hour hitting a corner that’s 1/4 the width of the race track all screaming for a head on collision) and there is an explosion of pain in my ankle compounded 10 times worse when I put weight on my left ankle which is terribly swollen..  This “fog” the blood cells are screaming to get through are the swollen sheaths of muscle and tissue all blocked up with synovial fluid from arthritis infiltrating the joint.  This is what it feels like anyhow … who knows if this is right medically…

That “tingling/stinging sensation in my left ankle is with me all day that I have to block out/ignore while doing rehab fitness so my arms and legs keep working enabling me to lift myself out of a chair without being embarrassed by this difficulty. Enabling my arms to keep functioning to have the ability to lift and drink cup of tea/coffee and reach to the clothes line or lift dangerous hot dishes from the oven.  As well as washing my lovely almost long hair with luxurious shampoo & conditioner.  Who would think some of the every day chores could be so lethal and painful.

But hey! I am alive, I am close to 5 years in remission from cancer.   Very exciting 🙂 It’s all just Arthritis keeping me challenged 🙂   The sun is shining down on us today which I intend to shift my vicious dog to the floor from my comfy dreamchair and soak up this most stunning shiny morning with my Ginger & Lemon tea with some Bocelli & Pink Floyd randomly playing from my stereo. It’s then to my gym to my most awesome Personal Trainer that keeps this decrepid body working 🙂

Dreamchair and "Dog"

Dreamchair and "Dog"

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